Who Am I? Who Are You?

Ever since I could remember, I've always loved the ocean. I always loved hearing the sound of the waves crashing against the rocks and the sand. I feel the wind blow against my hair, as I hear the seashells crack. The sound of mother nature was the only sound that could make me feel at peace. Ever since I could remember, I've always loved Kung Fu Panda and Avatar: The Last Airbender. Finding spirituality and recognizing the bigger picture. Learning optimism and realism with every lesson in my life. Knowing everything happens for a reason. There are no mistakes, life's a gift. Ever since I could remember I've always loved the moon and stars. I thought I was the moon because I was so connected. I was aware of everything surrounding me, as I could feel every emotion of the world. 

But these are things I know about myself, so what did I learn? Who am I? I never enjoyed criticism, which most likely comes from being clumsy and getting yelled at for spilling milk on the counter on accident. I was never perfect, yet I made myself perfect. I can’t force myself to become a perfect person or writer. I make mistakes, as we all do, but I’ve accepted that. I understand that the more I force myself to be someone I’m not, the more burnt out I become. 

Having someone read my work always makes me smile, as I can feel their emotions. Knowing my work has made someone cry doesn’t make me sad, but makes me realize someone else understands. Many people may feel as if nobody understands them, but I’m that person. My peers enjoyed my work but were the most honest people I could meet. They’re a huge part of my life and my writing journey. They helped me create beautiful stories and pieces. Many times, I don't know what to put on my page. I don't know how to put my feelings into words, but they've always helped me process the hardships that I encounter.

I understand emotions more than others, but I’ve never liked confrontation or debating. It was extremely hard for me to create my argumentative essay because I wanted to make personal connections. I wanted to share my stories, but one story isn’t facts. I always struggled with logical explanations because my whole life has been based on emotion. I try to make an emotional connection for every assignment I do. I’m learning to find a balance between logic and emotion because they can both be tied together. I'm learning to process every emotion while making connections to make my point be taken seriously. 

There have been many more highs for me rather than lows because I push myself, but I get burnt out easily. There have been times when my work has become sloppy because I didn’t want to write anymore. I wanted to give up on writing because I doomed myself from the start. After reading about my revisions I realized that is not my writing. That’s the self-doubt writing for me. I took matters into my own hands and decided to revise and write the work that I was born to write. It always starts with you and that includes you having to take the first step. Nothing will ever be given to you in your life, we always have to work for what we want and what we know we deserve.

Writing will never be perfect and that's a concept most people don’t understand. You don’t need to write this extraordinary essay to prove yourself, but rather the meaning that's behind your work. I isolate myself in my room and cry for 10 minutes. It’s probably one of the most ridiculous strategies anybody could have, but I write off my emotions. I write off my feelings and thoughts because I’m too silent to say them out loud. My windpipe feels like it’s blocked off, but my hands always write for me. I always wrote with high expectations for myself because of the pressure I had in my adolescent years. When you practice self-growth and practice being your higher self you’ll finally realize that writing is a gift everybody has. No matter what piece you write, it always has a meaning. 

The question I have is for you, whoever reads this. Unclench your jaw and focus on your mind. Why do you write? Do you hate writing? What sparks emotion for you? Where do you find your motivation from? If you don’t know, that’s okay. Soon you’re going to know who you are.