Step one: Make sure you have a family who doesn’t believe in your success unless it lives up to their expectations. Step two: Dwell on everything that you could have in your life, but don’t. Step three: Become a different person. Why am I not like everyone else? How come my best friend, 4.0 GPA wants to become a biochem scientist, while I just want to write? Lorrie Moore heard the voice in her head, the same voice I experienced. In her work of art, “How To Become An Author, she tells us, “But Lorrie, you’re so good with children.” Mother would say. “But Bella, you're so good at math.”  Mother would say. Of course, out of all the high well-paying jobs you chose to write. Writing isn't a career, it's a hobby. You'll never make a living from writing about the time you learned a life lesson. You’ll never make a living from writing about the time you were bullied. You’ll never make a living from writing about the time you always threw away your school lunch.

Maybe that's true, maybe I won't make a living, but this is art. Lorrie was asked by the own people she should trust, “Are you crazy?” No, Lorrie wasn’t crazy, Lorrie had imagery of the mind. Lorrie had the mind of a person, just like me.

 I saw myself through the eyes of Lorrie. I was told many times I wouldn’t be this, I wouldn’t be that. I believed it. I believed it because the only people I trusted were the ones who blacked out my mind. They darkened my head with thoughts of doubt. Lorrie tells us, “It’s best if you fail at an early age.” I believed this. I failed at the early stages of my life that ruined my character and confidence, to this very day. “Am I sure that 5 x 1 is 5?” I sat there gaslighting myself for 7 whole minutes, how did it get this bad? Lorrie sat there, contemplating her major every second. “I need to go into child psychology. Wait, no, I have to become a lawyer. But business, I have to create a business to become successful.” The contemplation consumed her, that her well-being was declining. We should always take care of ourselves, it’s the most important habit. Lorrie put others' opinions before herself. She was in the process of discovering what she wanted to do. No matter what major she would switch and go into, she always came back to writing. When you know you’re good at something, normally people would stick with it. She had negative people surrounding her, especially the voice. As Lorrie never talks about the voice, it’s always there like a dark cloud of despise. She stopped listening to her mother’s sarcasm and achieved her goal. We can all learn something from this story. We have to stop listening to others' opinions, thoughts, and expectations. We are our people. 

With the cloud of despise that surrounds us, we must learn to live with it. It’ll never go away, as self-doubt always remains, we have to learn how to face our challenges, just like the rain. As rain never goes away we suffice and learn how to live with it. I still doubt myself and my skills, but at the end of the day, I know what I was meant for and my purpose. Lorrie was meant for writing, she never needed a “plot”. She needed to find her purpose.